Анна Карат - Learn to love. 30 tips how to live.

the stadium to watch a game. That poor guy was chasing me for a week trying to find out about my football preferences. In the meanwhile, I was reading sports newspapers. At the end of that chase, he, being completely intrigued, saw that I put a pin with his favorite team’s logo on my T-shirt. So he exhaled with relief: «I am with you… Anywhere you go. Do you want to go get married now?» Every man wants other people to talk to him about him. All of his ups – joy and happiness from creative and business victories – should happen in your presence and with your participation. It will give you more things to talk about.

One more piece of advice – disappear! From time to time you need to disappear. If you can’t do it physically, then you should do it emotionally. For example, you could become inattentive or you could be in a hurry to go somewhere without discussing news that is important for him. It means that you deprive your man from the main rush – your emotional presence in his life. Stay in this strategic position until he realizes how difficult it is for him without you. If after that he still doesn’t admit that you are in a special place in his life, then stop wasting your time and energy on him. He is busy. However, he can show up after some time and ask you out again. I would call a man like that a mirage. He can disappear at any moment for as long as several months. Then he can reappear as if nothing happened.

If you want to achieve this special happiness – to not be an abandoned «I» but to be an unbreakable «We», you should be a very special woman who radiates bioenergy. You also should find a very special man who will not suck this energy out of you but make it stronger. It is important to show him that you love him just because, like a human being. A noble man looks for a noble woman, doesn’t he? Thus, it is important for a couple to have comparable levels of nobleness and generosity.

How to become the only one for him?

1.Show compassion and help him.

If you like him, be interested in his work. Don’t do it obtrusively but do it constantly. Offer him solutions to his problems. Don’t give him direct advice though. Gradually you will become someone he wants to talk to. Eventually you will become a close friend, because you can not only empathize with but also help him.

2. Watch how he appreciates your effort.

If he doesn’t appreciate it at all (neither with how he looks at you, nor with how he talks to you), then he is too far behind you. Just think – maybe you should walk away and let him mature. If he does appreciate what you have been doing, then you can continue.

3. Create more optimism inside of you.

Any man wants to see and hear a happy woman every day. Even if a woman is unquestionably beautiful but is rather pessimistic, she will not be content in a relationship with a man. The first sign of a pessimist is that she can be bored. A cheery woman always has a reason to see something good. She can turn every day into a little celebration for herself.

4. Don’t limit yourself only to women’s interests.

Learn more about different spheres. Does he like fishing? Why not to find out which spinning rod he prefers? The fewer women who understand anything about a man’s hobby, the more attractive the one who understands it gets.

5. People become close to each other when they do something together.

You are going to laugh, but one of the biggest pleasures is food! That is why you should try to cook together as often as possible. Ready to eat food that you can buy in a store doesn’t count. Real pleasure is in food that you have prepared yourself.

Question 12. Sex on the first date. Is it wrong?

I broke up with a man I loved and I was single for four years. Within those four years I developed this colossal hunger – I craved emotions, touches, a man by my side and sex. Considering all this, every time I meet a suitable candidate it is very difficult to control myself. It is very difficult to keep the distance when I want to jump on top of him as soon as I realize that I like him. Men figure this out very quickly. They see that we get crazy every time they touch us (I am not even mentioning kisses). What they don’t understand is that it is our hungry body that reacts this way, and that our brain and heart are actually not involved.

It’s like when you show food to a hungry person. If the person hasn’t eaten for a while, he or she will immediately dig into food no matter what quality it is. Several times being too quick ruined my potentially good relationships. It happened because men don’t forgive rushing when it comes to sex, even though they encourage it (what meanness and hypocrisy!). So how do I cope with it? To find a lover just to satisfy my cravings? I can’t do it like that. It is important for me to like the man I am going to sleep with, even be in love with him and of course trust him. What should I do?

Answer. This is what I would do if I were you. I would find a lover who also happens to be a pleasant man. I would explain to him right away: «I want you a lot but only as a lover. No strings attached and no time together during the day. Can you come to my place once a week? In this case you use him, not vise versa. This relationship is going to develop according to your conditions. By the way, while you have a strictly sexual partner (without getting attached to him) you should be looking for a man that you want to live with. It is very difficult to build a relationship when you are ready to jump into any more or less attractive man’s bed. I created this rule for myself – I can’t start a new relationship if you are still attached to the previous one. If you want sex only, you need to be honest with yourself and with your man. Tell him that you spend nights together without any future plans. This way nobody is going to be disappointed.

Question 13. Who do men chase?

You have previously written that if a woman is in love but doesn’t have a lot of energy, she should wait a bit and take care of herself at first. This thought alarmed me because it was the reason why I missed a chance to have a beautiful relationship. I worked a lot at that time and was on the edge of a meltdown. I lost control and blamed the man I just fell in love with for all of my problems. Of course, he quietly left me. I was sincerely surprised. I couldn’t understand why he stopped calling. So I would find an explanation that he was simply afraid of commitment. But to be honest, who would need a woman who is constantly tired and nervous no matter how successful and beautiful she is?

Answer. I am going to give you an answer in bullet points:

● Energy is the biggest value in life.

● People look for energy.

● Sex for men is a vital need like hunger. That is why at first men evaluate women like sexual objects.

● The more energetic and lively a woman is, the easier it is to imagine her in bed and the more she is wanted.

● This is how we come to the conclusion that a man values the energy of a woman. Here I need to clarify that we are talking about positive energy, the one that causes the desire to live.

Question 14. Our plans don’t coincide. Do we have a chance to be together?

I can’t understand if I want to continue this relationship with the guy. I want to move into a bigger place. He doesn’t really care. He likes to have people over. I dream about a chance to be alone with him and just talk. He is forty (I am thirty) and he views life in a different way. He has two previous marriages and 4 children (two are his and the other two belong to his second wife). He loves them. It means that he doesn’t want to have more children. However, I want to have a child in the future. Of course, he has advantages – he is polite, educated and modest. We --">