Анна Карат - Learn to love. 30 tips how to live.

how sane the man is. However, for me it is obvious that he is not happy with his wife. Since this has been repeating for twenty years, I can say that he has been unhappy for much longer.

A man’s temperament is not important for a woman at all. The thing is that one might need five women and another – a hundred and five different women. For a woman there is no difference – five or more. The point here is that he needs somebody else besides her. So what do we have? More and more women believe that all men are jerks and try to pay them back by starting affairs as well. If all men are womanizers, does it mean that marital fidelity is a myth? No, it’s not. There is one condition. A womanizer can find different women at home. They all are in one woman. This is what women should understand.

I should mention one more thing here. There are indeed men who are not just regular womanizers. They are more like Don Juan. Can women build relationships with men like that? Here is a list of criteria that will help you understand who is really in front of you:

● They don’t want to marry and have children. They have learnt to get only sex from their relationships. Some of them already have the experience of being husbands and fathers.

● They are smart. If they know how to listen to their brain and not their instincts, they can easily see disadvantages of marriage and parenthood.

● They are honest. They tell their lovers right away about their plans (or rather lack of plans) regarding marriage.

● They are courteous. They don’t want to lose their lovers and then spend their time on finding new ones.

● They are interesting interlocutors. They always entertain their lovers.

● They can even spend their money on you, but not a lot.

● They could be wonderful husbands. They have everything you need with one exception – they don’t have love for you.

● They don’t let themselves fall in love. If they do fall in love, they might marry and being married for them is like death.

● When you get tired of them not loving you, they will quickly replace you with somebody new. They always have a list of candidates to avoid life without sex.

These men cunningly set their positions: they are perfect, their values and lives in general are perfect too. The women they have relationships with are reminded that they are slightly lacking something to be considered perfect. It is very convenient, because they can be having affairs for as long as their women have the patience. If you want to make sure that your man is not one of those, you should try to remember if he has ever acted like a loving man. For example, he has sacrificed something for you. And he did it not because he needed sex, but because he wanted to make you happy.

Don Juans will break your heart. They are usually too attractive not to fall in love with them. Before you let yourself go crazy about a certain man, think about what you actually want. What kind of relationships will be humiliating for you? What conditions should be met for you to be happy in this relationship? How long will this happiness last? After you have thought everything through, write it down. It might look like this, for example, «I am ready to have a lover for six months. I don’t need his soul. I don’t want a marriage certificate with our names on it. I am not going to go out with him. I just need him in my bed, at my place. I am seeing him only when I want that, when I want sex and not when he wants it.» This way you will have a relationship based on your conditions.

This is my main advice – have it your way, your relationship – your conditions. Then you won’t be miserable but fully satisfied with your life. And you won’t regret about those years when some man was using you.

Question 25. My husband looks at other women. Is it normal?

My husband and I love each other and we are good friends to each other. But he always follows every woman with his eyes. Every woman nearby can cause a bad mood for me. My husband claims that all men stare at women and that there is nothing to worry about. I am trying to understand him. Maybe I am too jealous and untrusting.

Answer. The way out of this situation is very easy. Don’t go out with your husband. If he invites you to go somewhere, tell him that his behavior is unpleasant for you. «I understand you. I also like to look at attractive people whether they are men or women. However, I need you to understand me too. I am going to the theater with my girlfriend and to that wedding I am going alone.» I never go somewhere where I am not going to feel good and I never go with somebody who is going to make me feel uncomfortable. It is very normal. Do you love yourself? Then why would you put yourself in a humiliating situation? Of course you could find an excuse that to look at other women is a physiological need for men. Guess what – to scratch ourselves in certain places is also a need, but we still don’t do that in public.

I would think everything through if I were you. When a man doesn’t understand that he should be protecting a woman, is he really a man? He looks more like a boy. Let’s say that his actions keep humiliating you. This is when you should make a decision: he either changes, or you break up with him. If he doesn’t change, then he hasn’t matured up to being a man. Why do you need a boy then? He shows you his disrespect. You say that when you are alone with him, everything is fine. Maybe it is really so and he does care about you. Then he will become afraid to lose you and start changing himself. If he refuses to change himself, then you can tell him to look for another woman. And you will go a different way – to a different man.

Chapter 10. Can any person become faithful?

I think that yes, any person can become faithful. If not with you, then with a different woman. If not today, then in a year, two, five or twenty. Any man is a potential one-woman man. So why are there so many polygamous men around? I have one main explanation of this. It is lack of common sense. I measure common sense with adequate behavior of a person in different situations. A situation of happiness implies that there is one woman in a man’s heart and one man in a woman’s heart. If a person has reached a lot in his or her career, is successful financially and recognized socially, then I can say that this person is very intelligent. However, if this person puts his or her job ahead of normal life values, then I can say that this person lacks common sense.

This person depends on the opinion of the majority. He or she is not free. This person is trapped by stereotypes. I strongly believe that when it comes to a man, without a woman in his heart, he can’t let himself be free. That is why a woman was created for happiness. A man without a woman was meant to work hard like a slave. All women understand that even when they are young girls. Not all men understand that even when they become old men. All men become monogamous. It is a matter of time. Smart ones get it early on and they are happy for many years. Others have different scenarios.

Women also need more than one man. So they also have a choice. They can either find a lover, then one more lover, and one more lover, or they can find the best qualities of other men in their husbands. And stay faithful. If you choose the first option, then it is an open relationship. You can’t expect him not to cheat on you then.

Do you want to find the one and only man? A monogamous man. You will have one if he feels that he is free. The same applies to a woman. Freedom and faithfulness can and will go together if you are the most feminine woman for him and he is the most masculine man for you. So this is your goal – to become the most feminine woman for him.

Chapter 11. Sex, sex,

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